I feel as though time has flown by. While my recap might bore some of you I feel as though it is important for myself to reflect on the changes that have taken place in our life. Here is a little pregnancy recap if you will.
I feel as though i have been holding my breath for the last five months. scared that if i celebrated too loudly, or breathed too easily something terrible would go wrong. i feel that some mothers must feel this way, who knows, maybe i'm the only one? After finding out i was expecting, i felt very blessed, and filled with in-surmounting joy. with that joy however, came fear and stress. its so strange how motherhood works. some easily fall into the roll, others do not. i felt extremely touched that my divine creator felt me somehow a candidate for a child. i felt as though i fell into the roll well, but, always reserving for something to go wrong. i guess all mothers feel that feeling. constantly fearing for your child. always wanting the best for their lives.
I feel as though becoming a mother makes you so vulnerable. DNA binding, chromosomes multiplying rapidly. try as you might to get your vitamins in, thats really all you can do to help your little one grow.
i was very sick up until 17 weeks. i feel like those were the weirdest four and a half months of my life! my hair didn't grow, i became a seasoned puker, and i seemed to form this weird habit of fainting. i also developed the skill of maintaing poise while encountering spontaneous nose bleeds. i know that most mothers can relate to these weird and bizarre conundrums. i remember staring at my prenatals as if they were out to kill me. I wondered, in fact, if my OB was conspiring against me by having me take them; as if to plan the perfect homicide. tricking me by telling me these little brown bullets of fortification were in deed good for me. I would stare at those vitamins with dread and spite because i knew that once i swallowed them, it wouldn't be long before i saw them once again. ok, maybe i am being slightly dramatic, but those little buggers were challenging. water was the same way. i remember wondering why nature would fight against you in those first few months? i mean, you're on the same team! the time when you need green leafy veggies is the time that your body squirms in rejection at the slightest mention of them. it still makes no sense to me. at all.
but i was a good little fighter, and you really can only hope and pray that all your hard work payed off, and that somehow you got your little baby all it needed to grow and develop properly.
I have a new respect for those of you who are allergic to perfumes. I never comprehended their potency until i conceived a child. I could smell anyone from about a mile a way, and would immediately be searching for the closest restroom. my poor husband had to switch to fragrance free body wash, soap, conditioner, ect. the poor guy put up with a lot. i also laugh because i developed the weirdest repulsion towards hair, and maybe because i work in dermatology, skin tags. seriously. talking about hair or feeling my hair would always make be lose it. so my good sweet husband washed my hair in the shower for me, for about 3 months.
hats off to my husband. serious kudos go out to him for all he has done for me. i could not be more blessed.
i have since gotten over all these weird ailments. like many say "it was all worth it" when brett and i anxiously met with the ultrasound tech last week. i remember seeing the ultrasound pop up on the monitor and our little baby flashed up on the screen. as soon as i saw our baby, small little tears streamed from the corners of my eyes. it was one of those silent cries. the kind you feel when you are really filled with pure joy. i remember looking at our baby and i felt such love for that small little one. i feel like most people love to see their face, but i was in awe over her spine! what a beautiful little spine she had. all of her perfect little ribs were formed and you could see her little heart beat through her rib cage. my heart was skipping as i saw how well she had done in the growth department. of course we got to look at her brain, her femur, hands, and feet. we got to see the 3d image of her little face. and of course we found out that she was a little girl.
i am going to have a daughter.
we are going to have a daughter.
a little girl!
i just can't stand it. i cannot wait. our tech also commented several time on how much energy she had. we could not believe her small and skillful acrobatics. she truly does move a lot. a lot a lot!
i feel extra blessed because i felt her moving around 16 weeks, which i guess is fairly early to feel her. i also feel blessed because brett felt her move about a week later! now her kicks and squirms are more defined and i actually jump sometimes when she moves because it can sometimes catch me off guard!
we are pretty excited, and we can't wait to meet our little one. the ultrasound helped me breath a little easier. its nice to see her and know that everything is fine. hats off to the moms around the world. i sincerely do have a great appreciation for great moms everywhere.