I know that most people by now have long since posted their 2013 recaps. I sorta feel like 2013 kicked our butts! My baby sister got cancer back in August and everything sorta seemed to pile up from there; Leaving me clawing through the finish line on new years eve, with an uncontrollable twitch in my eye, crying, "uncle already!" My sister is ringing in the new year happy, healthy, and cancer free. (crossing our fingers) her "final" scan is in a week. While she coped with it very very well. I took it sorta hard! Which is odd, seeing that I wasn't actually experiencing it. I am naturally a pessimist. I constantly have to stop myself from preparing for the worst case scenario. And when I heard stage 3 lymphoma, I just sorta freaked. My grandpa passed away from lymphoma. With a strong history of cancer in the family, I sorta froze. It dug up past emotions from watching someone die from this disease all those many years ago. I put on a positive face but I have also been fighting this quiet battle of- "why be healthy if genetics are just going to get me in the end anyhow?"- Very mature take on the whole thing (i know). Anyways… after throwing a huge internal tantrum; And completely doing everything opposite of what i have grown to love in the past, i have come to realize that i need to get myself back on track. back in the gym. back into life. Brushing off all the very strange and stressful calamities of 2013, i feel like i am ready for a new start.
we all fall off the wagon from time to time. I seem to always sorta get bumped off, and when i find myself there in the dust, i sorta say, the sun is shining here in the dirt, and the wagon has now left, and is very far off. And all the while i stay, the farther the wagon goes. (in case that made no sense- its an analogy of my goals lol) its important to realize that it is ok. we aren't perfect. If we give up, however, we will never reach the wagon and it cannot take us to the destination we are striving to arrive at. We cannot realize, feel, and claim, all those wonders that life has to offer if we give up. Life begs us to constantly be adjusting and recommitting to who we are capable of becoming. so here is my statement for 2014.
"Lauren, life is only what you make of it"
simple i know ; ) and not really that profound. but that is where my head needs to be this year.
I recently signed up for a 12 week body transformation challenge at golds gym. The weigh in is monday. I have to get one of those terrifying before picture taken (i'm so white i glow) and get a start weight. Then, at the end, they will post BOTH my BEFORE and after pictures in the gym. great accountability!
I'm not saying I hate my body. I don't think i'm fat; I do however, know that i can strengthen my heart, my lungs, my lymph system, my back, my core, and i can improve my overall risk factor for cancer, heart disease, and other nasty little things that genetics has already stacked against me.
so what. i might still get cancer at 30. but come what may, i want to know that i did everything i could to decrease those odds, stay healthy, and respect my body for the gift that it is. with all my faculties in place, with the tremendous amount of health i have been blessed with, i feel like its time to pay it forward to myself, and chase up to the wagon i bumped myself off of ; )
-michaeline, olive, 2013- so happy she kicked cancers butt! and in a timely fashion as well. I hope that 2014 brings awesome things for you little sis! Learned what a positive mind can accomplish, and how infectious a positive attitude can become. Thanks for helping me learn that through example.